A post about social media and friendship
I have four groups of ‘friends’. Real friends, tango friends, neighbours, and web friends. Mostly, my friends sit neatly in their allotted place, easily defined, should I feel it necessary to define them. Additionally I should not forget my work colleagues who drop into a curious half-life of the Bar and the Bench, with substantial friendship value, but without the intimacy of everyday connection.
But what happens when friends make the transition from one realm to another? Indeed, should people like me be less binary and more inclusive when it comes to friendship?
You may already be shouting at this blog post ‘why do you categorise your friends?’ The answer is best exemplified by Argentine tango, where most of my ‘friends’ are followers – tangueras with whom I experience eight minutes of close embrace whilst their husbands, partners or lovers dance with others; shadowy figures across the pista. As friends, tango dancers read each other solely through the connection of the embrace, frequently unaware of the colour of each other’s eyes.
Likewise neighbours, where the nature of relationships is mostly situational. Despite best intentions, often when we move home we loose the connection that arises from neighbourhood and proximity.
But in this blog I wanted to tell you about my friendship group on Facebook, a closed group, where most the members are known to me personally, or otherwise known as ‘close friends of friends’. Until recently, it operated much as Mark Zuckerberg and Dustin Moscovitz would have wanted from a Facebook group, its members posting and sharing thoughts. Then, suddenly that changed when two friends from opposite sides of the Atlantic posted comments on the same topic and I decided to introduce them on line. I hasten to add that this was not inspired by any romantic notion, simply that my friendship with each of them told me that they might communicate with each other.
The moment of introduction seemed like a return to the days before social media; a time when we knew all about our friends and determined introductions based on shared values, ideas, interests and outlook. I told them both about what was special in my relationship with each of them. Following the introduction, they communicated and exchanged ideas on line, a normal conversation with someone whose identity is known and valued. For me, the event re-defined the possibilities of social media.
In times when we complain about the threats of intrusion by social media and the carelessness of inappropriate comment; rather than disengaging, shouldn’t we take control ourselves? Why not assert our values in the way that we value our friendships?
Might this be the possibility of social media 2020, a place where real friends can be introduced, meet, be tolerant, and look out for each other?
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